My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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