i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
