so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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