i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
