im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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