oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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