nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
