Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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