He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
