she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
