i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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