i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
