So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
