I want to make a zoo with you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Randomize
