he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
COCAINE IS GR8
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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