can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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