So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
