im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
stop calling my apartment porn island.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
