Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
