I hate all girls vehemently.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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