just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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