I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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