Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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