you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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