Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
