Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
