I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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