he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
