he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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