Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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