So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize