we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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