is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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