So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
