I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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