since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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