Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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