The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
