Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im part way to drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
