dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
