if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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