just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
