We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
