You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
