Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We have started to decorate penises.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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