If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
