He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
