i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
