I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Houston, we have a blender
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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