Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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