Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
