I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
