I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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