I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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