Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
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