I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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