matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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