Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
