You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
