She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
