So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
