i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
