Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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