Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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