You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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