i don't like sucking hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
