I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
