if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
