She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
