mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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