I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
