I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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